When being 'selfish' is a good thing
Who actually invented the idea that a woman could or should work full time; perhaps run her own business, raise happy well-adjusted children while never yelling (yeah right), perhaps care for the grandkids; maintain a lean and toned body all while overseeing a clean and organised home with balanced meals and being a supportive wife and friend always ready to listen to everyone’s problems with a sympathetic ear?
Whoops, ran out of breath there for a moment trying to fit that all in! Because you know, it’s a movie scenario – straight out of The Stepford Wives - this is NOT real life.
But we buy into it! No-one can put pressure on me like I can. No-one can judge me more harshly than I can. No-one can reduce me to a guilty, quivering mess like I can.
I am TIRED of having women coming to me, in tears, exhausted and overweight telling me “I just want to be selfish for a while and look after myself!” Since when is looking after your own body, your own health and wellbeing being ‘SELFISH’?
You are not doing anyone any favours by playing the martyr. If you are not looking after yourself – first and foremost, you soon won't be in a position to help anyone else. The fitter you are, the more energy you’ll have and the easier it will be to manage your busy life.
Back when my life was plagued with migraines I didn’t find time for exercise but I sure found time for illness!
When we don’t set boundaries for friends and family, we allow “emotional vampires” into our lives.
Have you ever had a friend or family member ring in crisis just when you’re about to sit down for a meal or rare quiet moment? Being a good friend you feel bound to help – you want to help! But dear God, you’ve heard this drama so many times before! And yet you provide support again and again even though it drains you, and nothing you say or do will change the choices your friend keeps making.
Women are typically the strong centre of the family. When we’re happy, the family is happy. When we are disorganised or tired – the household goes to hell in a handbasket. Juggling multiple plates, we provide a centre to the family universe. If our foundation falters, so does everything and everyone.
Good fences make good neighbours – and having healthy boundaries in your relationships allows you time to be supportive to others but allows you time to withdraw a little when you need to husband your own resources.
Think of it this way – if you’re exhausted all the time, struggling to find time for good nutrition and exercise, you’ll be more inclined to get sick and no-one wins.
You don’t have time for yourself and you certainly won’t have time for anyone else! Making your health a priority sets you up to be a good wife, parent, friend, or daughter who is far more likely to manage all those relationships well!
Selfish? Not a chance! Sensible!
Please don’t ever think that looking after yourself sensibly is “selfish”! You’ll be a better, happier and healthier woman if you make your own wellbeing a priority.
Heard the expression about putting on your oxygen mask first before helping others? Because that’s true of life in general. And everyone around you will benefit from that wellbeing – sounds like a win-win to me!